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There are more demands than ever on women today. The term “working mother” is redundant – don’t all mothers work? Bea Arthur (as Dorothy) on the show The Golden Girls once said, “It’s not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” In addition, mothers who also work outside the home may find that their time is even more limited, and that they have trouble balancing all of the demands on them.
One of the first things that you can do to take control of this is realize that there are an incredible amount of demands on you. Recognizing this is an important step in getting some balance back into your life.
Next, it’s time to take stock of all of the things that drain your time. In addition to your hours at work, what else are you trying to keep up with? Detail out the specific household responsibilities that you manage, for instance, groceries, laundry, dishes, cooking, planning meals, yard work, paying bills, vacuuming, and cleaning the bathrooms. Make an additional list of those responsibilities that are related to your kids, for example, making lunches, getting the children ready in the morning, chauffeur duties, helping with homework, cooking special needs, planning parties, buying gifts, and attending your kids’ activities. Finally, detail out your personal commitments, such as church, social obligations, extended family obligations, and medical appointments. Included in this list should be things like personal pampering, i.e. hair and nail appointments, and time at the gym.
Now take a look at the list. What do you see? If you’re like most of us, you see a list that includes demands that would make any mortal woman struggle. What’s usually missing from this list is the last section, the personal section, the commitment to personal growth like reading a book or going to the gym.
So how do you get it all in balance? There’s no single way to do this; however, writing it all down may be the first step in addressing it. Secondly, sit down with your spouse and discuss the issue. Look at places where he can take over some of the load. Assign out simple tasks like taking out the trash, doing the dishes, folding the laundry and even making or helping to make the lunches and dinners. Thirdly, after you have divvied up the responsibilities as best you can, you can both try to make each task a simpler one.
Make shopping easier as well. You can schedule a grocery day (Thursday for example) to plan. Make sure that your family knows that if they don’t write an item down on the grocery list, you aren’t going to buy it, so it’s their responsibility to notify you when you’re low (not out, but low) on milk. Do your shopping one day a week, and only buy what’s on the list. It may take several incidents of not buying an item that you know you need (but your family forgot to tell you about) to reinforce this, but it works. And unless it’s an absolute necessity, trade the time you spend clipping coupons and comparing deals at the market for the ease of breezing in and quickly buying the cheapest brand.
Make mealtime easier, as well. Set a specific time for dinner and stick to it to avoid trying to coordinate everyone’s crazy schedules. This may be hard, and won’t always work, but if dinner is always at 6 p.m., a lot of the kids (and husbands?) excuses fly out the window. Buy a crockpot and use it to save cooking time. Don’t be ashamed to serve premade lasagna (or any other purchased meal) once a week or more! Assign out one night a week for your husband to cook, and promise to eat whatever he makes (or orders in) without complaint! Teenagers may also enjoy the chance to cook once a week. Make Sunday nights pizza night, so everyone eats together!
Plan your menus so you can shop easily. 20 minutes one evening a week can let you schedule your menu for the coming week, and make a list of what you need to buy. For any dinners that are the responsibility of other family members, mark these with that family member’s name so they don’t forget (and encourage them to plan ahead, if they expect you to shop for them).
Make a list of what is in your freezer, and a separate list of what leftovers are in the fridge. A wipe-off board posted on the fridge is great for this, and makes it easier for family members to quickly identify what’s available without consulting you. Develop a code for anything that’s “off limits” as well, like a star by the name.
Look at other resources around you. Can you carpool with another mom, or rotate schedules with your spouse so one of you picks up the kids and the other drops them off? Sign up to pay your bills automatically, online. Try multi-tasking – make your grocery lists while your kids do their homework, and exercise while watching TV with the family if possible. Can you rotate Saturday mornings at the kid’s games with your husband, and go to the gym on alternate weekends? Is your gym open early, before the kids are awake, or can you do an aerobics tape early in the morning? Can you go walking at lunch, or find a gym class that you can take during your lunch hour? Even if you aren’t a morning person, you may find that the mental – and self-esteem boost – you get from doing something good for yourself is well worth it.
Don’t be afraid to ask for personal time either. Schedule a “Ladies Night Out” once a month. Meet a friend or two for dinner, or a movie, or at the salon without any family obligations. Give your husband permission to do the same, so that both of you have personal time away. This is important for both of you, in addition to time alone with your spouse!
Many women need to work for financial reasons. Many also work for the job satisfaction they get. Both of these are great reasons, and the issue is not whether or not you should work. Only you can determine what is right for you. What is important is finding time for yourself and utilizing every shortcut possible to make the most of your time. Next time you find yourself saying “I don’t have time to do anything for myself.” Remember that you are the one who chooses how to spend your time. You may find that by simply doing something as simple as eliminating the coupon clipping will gain you an hour a month, plus shorten your shopping time by 10 minutes per week. That time can add up quickly to a manicure, or an hour alone reading a book in the sun or just sitting on the floor, playing with your kids, without any guilt or sense of unmet responsibilities.
One final thought. Remember, you don’t have to be Wonder Woman. It’s okay to say “No” to requests for your time. It’s great to be involved, but sometimes saying no occasionally is the first step to finding that personal balance.
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