|
The first step is definitely the hardest: making that important decision to leave. Making that decision is tough but it is empowering. Once you have decided that you want and deserve a better life the rest is much easier. You can then get your plan into action and follow it step-by-step. But the painful reality is that the first step is a dozy. It often takes years to find the courage to leave an abusive relationship. Don’t be daunted by what it will take to leave, just make that decision then plan out the steps. You will face obstacles along the way but know that you will face each one and conquer them one at a time.
Most important after making that first decision is to make a financial plan. You have to face reality, in the real world it takes money to survive. If you don’t have a full-time job with benefits start looking. You may have to settle for a part time job at first, especially if you took time off to raise your children, but you can often turn a part time job into a full time job. Look into going back to school, financial assistance is usually available. Even taking a class or two at a local college will help you brush up on rusty skills, or teach you something new.
You need to save up as much money as you can: don’t count on child support or help from any friends in the beginning as child support takes time to set up and friends may not be able to help out. Stashing away as little as $20 a week, hidden where the partner doesn’t have access to it, can accumulate over time. Another way to have a tidy sum of money for your new life is to use your income tax refund. A very important step concerning finances is to open your own, separate checking account. Do this before you leave not afterwards because you will have plenty of other things on your mind when you are starting your new life.
Finding a new place to live is also an important step. You must make sure you can afford this new place on your own and you want to make sure that you like the school system if you have children. Don’t give your partner this address before you move, wait until things calm down before giving out your address, if you ever do. In fact don’t tell your partner that you plan on moving out at all as this often creates a fight that can turn ugly. This means that you won’t be able to pack ahead of time, as that would be a tip-off.
Moving during the day in the middle of the week is the best time. Mover’s rates are lower and your partner probably won’t be expecting you to move out. Once your partner has gone to work its time to run to a grocery store for boxes. Have a couple of close friends get boxes for you also and then have them meet you shortly after the abuser is at work. Pack quickly but take as many of your belongings as you can since this may be your only chance to get them out. Make sure someone stays with you at all times in case your abuser happens to come home unexpectedly and catches you in the middle of moving out.
You must have a plan B in place in case of a worst case scarino. In the event that before your planned date of departure an argument breaks out and you must flee in a moment’s notice you have to have some clothes packed ahead of time. Have a small bag with one or two day’s clothes in it, some for your children also, in a closet within easy reach. Keep important documents such as your social security card, birth certificates and the checkbook with you at all times, most likely in your purse. Keep a little cash in the bag and your purse. Make sure you have a safe place to stay ahead of time, call the battered woman’s shelter for directions. Staying with a friend or relative known to the abuser probably isn’t the best place to go as they could easily track you down.
If you are married and plan on filing for divorce you need to find a good lawyer. Don’t let the cost intimidate you, most lawyers will give you your first consultation for free. Find a lawyer who seems to be on your side and won’t be someone who will allow your divorce to drag on thus increasing their fees. Find out up front how much they charge per hour and negotiate your initial retainer. Lawyers will work for as little as $500 up front, but you may have to negotiate this fee. You may also need a lawyer in case you need a restraining order for your protection.
Getting advice from divorced women or from previously battered women can give you the courage you need to make your move. Joining a support group, either on-line or in real life, is a great idea. Talking to others who have been through exactly what you are going through is a great help. You can get tips from them or just vent when things become overwhelming.
It’s a scary and daunting move but it is the first move towards your freedom and onto the life that you know deep down you deserve. Planning for the worst case scenario in every situation is always a good idea, if the worst happens you are prepared, if it doesn’t you are ahead of the game. Make a plan and stick to it. Take action and begin your new life knowing that many others have also had to take this road and they are thriving in their new lives.
| 
